Your Maryland Eye in the Sky!

Virginia Tech=1o, Maryland=54

I aim to misbehave.” –Coach Malcolm Renoylds

Virginia Tech football… the greatest possible .4615384 (repeating) team in all of the 130-team D-1 men’s football land?

The Hokies finished with a nearly positive final rec’ on 2o21 of 6 up against 7 down. Beating one archrival (good), and nearly beating the other 6,000+ day trophy-holding archrival (not so good). The Gobblers were beaten by just less than 1-fu’ll-play, beaten by ½-a-play, beaten by even less than 1-fu’ll-play, then beaten by right at 1.5 fu’ll plays. All (conceivably) winnable games, rights? Or, we were somewhere in the vicinity of only being ≅4-fu’ll-plays removed from being 10 up and 3 down for 2o21, rights? Ahhhhhhh… “no.” ’cause if my Aunt Kim had nutz-n-a-bolt she’d be my Uncle… Tim. And jail? Here Eye… come!!!

p.s. before Eye do go to jail… cyber tip of the hat at Will -freakin’ Stew‘.

At least he had the sox and the chops to say something actually bowl game meaningful…

…he did not cheap on upvotes and approval ovulate needily all over.

Gotta give him that round 10-9, clean.

That said, he took a tactical (tho’ indeed objective) approach.
And here? Well, here we prefer the long-view, when and if
the same is strategically… available.

Word of the Day part I:

Sportswashing -verb. is the practice of an individual, group, corporation, or nation-state using sport to improve their tarnished reputation, through hosting a sporting event, the purchase or sponsorship of sporting teams, or by participation in the sport itself.

Game Duration:
…now, and for the X’s and O’s hardcore savants who do not wanna be left out among yah… did any of you see the oldest-school Maryland ‘Stalker’ on KO coverage? Mostly, you used to see the K retreat into something of a centerfielder or line of last defense/resistance posture. (In order to keep him from getting stolen himself and therefore in FGA good-working-order). Maryland did the opposite… they brought a guy off the KO line-of-scrimmage and had him go head-hunting and looking to steal! This is the art of being first to the punch. LOVE this. In particular when you X or cross guys and create truly hit of the game harvesting geometry in your suicide squad covering favor.

Other than that? And other one decent Hokie-pancake 2Q 4:46 and one catch of the game… what’s the R.A.T.T. blow-by-blow point, here?

☮️ut to these 24-hour lollipops… or all day… suckers!

1Q remaining:

1Q remaining:

2Q remaining:

2Q remaining:

Word of the Day part Deux:

simping -verb. to simp. Tricking, groveling, or basically just letting females walk all over you for no apparent reason other than your own bitch-azz-o-nite ‘ness

3Q remaining:

3Q remaining:

4Q remaining:

4Q remaining:

… the best part was the pregame

Money to the left of them and money to the right
Money everywhere they turn from morning to the night
Only two things count at all from mountain to the sea
Part of its percentage, and the rest is guarantee.

—Grantland Rice

Now, and that Herculean effort of play-grading aside; and IF, you live under a rock, or have recently been hit in the head by the same?

LOL… be my YouTube highlighter guest…
correctly color-coded… 1o1!

Time To Throw (TTT)©:

Virginia Tech:
Qb pressured=7
Qb hurried=2
Qb hits=16/C.B., 5/T.B.

Qb pressured=2
Qb hurried=2
Qb hits=1

TTT Analysis:
Tell me ^that^ don’t read like our worst L since 1983, or an astonishing 44-point total ass-beating 1o1?

LOL… I mean, Prybar had better ‘leverage’ his defensive ‘execution’ here sports fans. Quite a bit at that. Maybe he can Pry the halt-unit Portal open long enuff to engender some help(s)?

(Readers note: sans one De2, he could, not).

As he sure as (bleep) truly is NOT inheriting much (star-power) at all. Nothing left to Settle, no Edmunds bro’s, no very legit Dt2, or Cb1 and Cb2. (Such as someone frankly bequeathed to halt-unit incoming Fu’).

(o) (o)

As of right now? Pry’s got: 3 maybe 4 legit ballers, a buncha C— to C+++ lifers, and a good deal less than that behind any of that (i.e., stop-unit depth-chart wise).

Intrapreneurship did not Portaling enter much at all. And in point of fact, it was fortunate that what little we gots back did not go: Exit Stage Left on the 24o6o itself.

Might wanna distance yourself from calling your own 2o22 plays brah.
As doing so might just earn you an extra shag-ball mulligan from the 2o23 ladies’ tees.
♂️♂️7 >>> Jane Bond >>> Fu’fense

Longfield Management (Lo.FM)©:

Virginia Tech:
positive: |||| ||| (1 successful fake-punt; 2 4th down converts, 1 Terps penalty)
Swiss (neutral): ||
negative: |||| |||| (1 Hokie Flag, 1 Hokie fumble for 6 or a Terps TD!)

1st Half Maryland:
Swiss (neutral):

2nd Half Maryland:
positive: ||| (1 4th-down TD!!!)
Swiss (neutral): |
negative: ||||

Lo.FM Analysis:
In the realm of ‘ouch’ itself… we find the little objective factoid that Maryland inflicted a record-breaking twelveteen Lo.FM’s on po’ ole Vah.Tech, before; suffering a single solitary Lo.FM against themself! To take those steps further, the Terps (somehow) went the entire 1st-half -that’s 30 minutes- of scrumming before suffering their first Lo.FM in the 3Q of play! LOL!!!

I mean if not for that truly absurd near ≅400% T.O.P. (Time of Possession) margin in our first-half ex-Fu’fensive favor… Maryland mighta done us out like Alabama paying V.P.I. back (77-6) for doing Coach Claiborne (a: “bear” Bryant Junction Boy, recall) ‘rong!

This pur an opening near Hokie 24-minutes to Terp’ 6-minutes or a four-to-one humping of these Shelly’s in Time of Possession; while only being down two full plays at intermission if you are keeping score at home.

Seriously… this one was bad and it coulda been historically off the trax, worseEasily. On the V.T.C.C. gone Q.T. (quick-time ‘harch’) too.

wowow! I mean, that’s backyard or localized Blacksburg Jr. High School overwhelmingly statistically mismatched, bad. 84% Terps passing mismatch, Qb rating of 42 for VeeTee juxtaposed and yet just 1 in Turnover Margin banjaxed. Go fig’ here?

This one rates as rank… like all-time rank, I’ve never ever seen that one Eye in the Sky before overwhelmingly mismatched, bad. In Morse code terms…

⋅⋅⋅ ––– ⋅⋅⋅

And here is the Kicker folks, pro-temp’ big-whistle Jay-Cee threw the whole entire kitchen sink, the kitchenette, the pantry, the galley, and the better part of Owens Mess Hall @Maryland and very little -if anything- really stuck here.

(o) (o)

“Aye” …as Eye knew that Maryland beat us upper-quad to: “Parade Rest.” I just did not know just how serially lopsided it truly was until I ran this section’s numbers here. Nonetheless…

The metronomic one is done.

May St.Justin bless.

And yet again… this is why you run the numbers, not yah moufs.

the 2o22 takeaway...

So, and moving forward, ESPN+’s much-vaunted SP+ gives Tech similar odds of finishing with a losing record (21%) and winning eight or more games (31%) for the upcoming regular season.

“‘I’ve always said practice is the place where you test the limits,’ Pry said. ‘Where you test your skills and abilities and make mistakes. I don’t want guys to practice tight. Let’s go, let’s see what we are made of and push the boundaries. Same thing on defense — make a break on the ball, don’t be content to let them catch it. Let’s go see what we can do.’” —Roanoke Times ‘love’ insert (_____) here!

INpowerment 1o1.

Though the sage among you is already voiding that statement. As Prybar and Co. must open with a perfect (4-nil) September just to become average itself over the course of the last ≈2.5 seasons of ball, or ever since right before hooVa could see right through our Commonwealth streak and KY-Jelly dealt us a smacking good right-cross pre-game in the Bowl.

Or, in other words, come down from your (O&M) Ivory Tower …and think about that my Dorthy’s and Toto’s, left-click thy heels, stop playing twister, stop simping and realize

🏈 👁️.Q. Award Winner:

Shrek and Corny and offensive company… they found the rest area along the New York State Thruway or avoided an even worse jackknife along the N.Y. Turnpike via dominating the T.O.P. (Time of Possession).

’cause as rubberneck bad as this one air-bag looked?
It could (easily) been worse, as in mucho as in very.

…and what do you think Pry was
candidly thinking in the 4Q of
the Pinstripe, Bowl?


xxx‘s & ooo‘s
N/A here.

Eye mean… did you really think either Qb Plan-B was gonna wing us to VicTory and NY-street-corner shell-game the Terrapin run-fits in this one?

Yah; quite a few of you actually in print did… and a lot of you never worn a jock ‘types’ ball-washers in the media even predicted the same! You Sportswashed yourself.

There were: 8 starters out… and still some of you whacko media members picked VeeTee to win?
How? Why???

I mean, just how many ^votes^ do you need? 9?

ROTF and LOL… me neither on me-too and I gots me some NY hustling street-corner allegorically appropriate shell-game if you are 2o22 feelin’ froggy?

And in all fairness, and to hold my very own feet to my very own fire, mind the store that I was NOT the most accurate writer, as I missed VT by 1-full-play and Maryland by 1.5 plays, I was only the least… ‘rong.


best laid plans of mice and men
–Coach Robby Burns

Tom and Jerry on dat!

formulae football:
…all-time proppers to whoever walked up to the Vegas Window right after 2 PM and asked:

…what can I get for Maryland minus forty-three and a half?”

After the Maryland Eye and spring ball '22, we now R.A.T.T. know, what(s)???

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Oranges to… Tangerines?

Then we come to this final strategic analysis heretofore…

…to know where we are, we ventured back to the Fu’ture and coaxed Dr. Emmett “Doc” Brown and his gull-winged Delorian outta retirement.

Maryland may indeed be campaigning over in the Big-10 these days, and although you can take the lax’ girl outta the A.c.c. and yet you cannot take the lax’ A.c.c. outta the girl.

The Terps really did very very much still isomer or mirror all things All Charmin Conference or softie Dulcolax football 1o1 on film. As they are nobodies Bo Schembechler or Woody Hayes rock-em sock-em BIG-Ten black-n-blue football robots upon breaking tape. (NOT even physically remotely close in point of fact).

And with that caveat firmly in hand… look what a buncha Spread-Set powder-puffs just did to what little we do have 2o22, back… check it out… as our pure Bowl Game metrics peg us here in National Ranking terms…

  • Prybar returns the 12oth ranked bowl Run-D.
  • Prybar returns the 117th ranked bowl Pass-D.
    (and the 13oth or dead last Passing Efficiency D allowed!!!)
  • Prybar returns the 1o8th best bowl Rushing O (although his top-3 bowl-blockers and his top-1 Rb have elected NOT to return).
  • (and) Prybar returns a Service Academy -esque 127th best bowl Passing O!!! (Although one of his two bowling Qb’s is prolly not even a Qb1 or Qb2 or Qb3 or even Qb4). UPDATE: …Roger that, as he is now our Wr4’ish give/take.
…do you detect the slightest ranking trend here?

TSL Surgeon Generals warning:

IF you are a P.A.T.T., or feels you may be preggers with a P.A.T.T…
…this may not be the P.A.T.T.y-cake, P.A.T.T.y-caker end-game for you.

Take a deeeeeeep R.A.T.T. breath, do a downward-dog, and actually bother to objectively science-fact think about this one sports-fans…

We did… and here is what we historically, thought… (via pro-capita or pro-rata yesteryear analysis, as recall there were less D-1 or F.b.s. teams way back when…) …when we went looking back at our previous three coaches’ worst teams… and then compared them to where 2o21, ended.

  • 1988 was Frank’s last pretty suspect-looking or cellar-dweller team (3 up, 8 down). And yet it was better than average on D. 59th percentile there compared to the forecasted bottom 8th percentile per the rankings above, this is where 2o22 picks up the Bowling pieces, understand. On O Frank was only in the bottom 11th percentile, whereas 2o21 picks up and then pegs at the bottom 9th percentile.
  • 1977 was Sharpe’s nadir year (3-7-1 overall). And yet it was better than average on D. 64th percentile as an Index there compared to the forecasted bottom 8th percentile for 2o22. On O Jimmy was only in the bottom 22nd percentile, whereas 2o22 pegs at the bottom 9th percentile.
  • 1973 was Coach Coffey’s doormat year (2 up, 9 down). And yet it was pretty lowly on D.  Bottom 4th percentile as an Index there compared to the forecasted bottom 8th percentile for 2o22. On O Charlie was only in the top 54th percentile (or a little above average), whereas 2o22 pegs at the bottom 9th percentile.

…again, do you see what Eye means?

The last three times things went searching for rock bottom, they fun’d or found something better than where 2o21 statistically left off. Or, where 2o22 now 52-card picks up the refugee pieces.

As 5 outta 6 times historically, our worst teams were better than where 2o21 left off pro-rata.
...wheedles wobble butt they don't fall down.

As two of these three formers very lowercase V.P.I. gridiron squadrons at least curried the services of at least one reasonable enuff side of the LOS (line-of-scrimmage) per club. The ’88 Beams halt-unit and the ’73 cup O’Coffey offense combined could actually project well ahead of 2o22, as things R.A.T.T. stand right now.

59th percentile on D and 54th percentile on O?

Eye’d take dat work…

Honestly, wouldn’t 2o22 you?

The Rest of the Story...

O.D.U. returns: (both) Qb’s, their 1.1K rusher, their 1K Wr1, and a team that won 5-straight to close 2o21.
10-starters or 1’s over on O — and a reasonable 8-starters or 1’s on D.
Three plays removed from going 9 up 3 down too.

Yes, we will R.A.T.T. grant you that Wofford is a lay-up or a gimmie match-play putt.

Boston College has several in-situ advantages: (Rb(s), Qb1, and 28th ranked D among ’em). If they can only find just an adequate oLine…

…then there is this little matter of the very final Black Diamond Trophy game or border-war vs. necktucky. And they sure took every possible booster shot in their Qb1 passing arm this offseason (T.J. Daniels) and the Clemson Rb1 don’t hurt old-gold-n-blue matters; not 1-3o4-Ι (not one-DubVee-iota).


Ergo, therefore, to Whit, it is true… the edge may not be the only part of the cliff; however, if Prybar gets leveraged away at an in-state hunger drill(s) O.D.U.? Or, if BeeCee cracks back on his chestnuts up on Chicken-Hill? With a merely always hateful archrival and eternal possession of the Black Diamond Trophy on the line, next?

With what expects to be a very salty battle of (Octoberfest) midway part of his debut schedule?
(@U.n.c, @Pitt, @Nc.State, and Miami).

And with no foreseeable Virginia Portal Institute help(s) now on the way(s)?

Well, …IF, we open 2-2 or less? Things could get fu’gly on Prybar in a 2o22 hurry men.
And Frankly (pun intended) that’s not frenetic fanbase fair to him.

Or, and to extend the metaphor from up above… although we now know where the offramp is…

We just don’t know where it goes❓



Virginia Tech=1o, Maryland=54









8 Responses You are logged in as Test

  1. What is the saying in boxing, “a punchers chance?” That’s about where I sit. Hope the coaches can find a “punch”.

    Shields up, red alert.

    1. That was a downright sobering read. I had forgotten just how bad that Pinstripe Bowl ass whooping was until watching the first few minutes of the highlights. Putrid comes to mind. Pry may need to hire AMT, Mosely, or Nielsen on staff to help with this massive construction rebuild! Love your Star Trek reference! Hope Coach Pry is a leader problem solver like Captain Pike…

    2. Yups.

      Yellow Alert is (prolly) too low.
      Eye’d have to agry.


  2. New players, new very experienced coaches, new philosophy, more experienced older players. You will be surprised what you can do with the above highly motivated team.

    1. …surprise me!

      Eye welcome dis.

      (I just hope they do not just miss on 2-3 opening games and all that newness rubs right off),

  3. I’m thinking (hoping) new blood (portal) and old blood infused with new coaching will lend to a better than expected season.

    1. …alrighty.

      I am not the enemy of 1/2-fulls.
      Mo’, beer; too… drink!!!


  4. Are we in (much) better shape at the QB position than last year? If so, maybe that’s +1 in the win column.

Comments are closed.